So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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