and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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