You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I die, sorry about rent.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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