pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
