Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
