Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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