have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
