She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
