Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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