Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
