so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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