I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
