just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
