i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
