Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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