I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
