Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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