I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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