Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
