Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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