i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize