i would punch a child for taco bell
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
