Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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