you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Come see our sink grown plant.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
