you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
