I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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