Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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