so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
