We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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