Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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