A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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