He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
