I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pants are for mortals
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