I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
only if we run a train.
done.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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