I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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