apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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