I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
