Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
