So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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