TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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