she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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