He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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