Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
