Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
