I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
