Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
