Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
