just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
