dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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