My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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