Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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