you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
