just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
