yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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