Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
